Paralympics

In the Paralympics there are various catagories - coded to represent the sport and the disability.

For example..... S6 - Swimmers with full use of their arms and hands, some trunk control but no useful leg muscles. Swimmers with coordination problems, although usually these athletes can walk..

S6 should not be confused with Essex - Bathers with intellectual disability, orange skin, usually blonde with a preference for laying beside the pool rather than swimming in it. 

other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/

Living Life Backwards by Woody Allen

Someone posted this on their Facebook page - I thought it funny...

other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/

Humour

 to see more click on link below...

http://pinterest.com/robertbovington/humour/

other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/

Perks of old age

I received this as an email but I thought it would make an excellent blog post!

Perks of reaching 50

or being over 60
And heading towards 70 or beyond! 

01. Kidnappers are not very
interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation,
you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run  -- anywhere.

04. People call at 9 PM (or 9  A M) and ask,

 'Did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you

as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left
to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now
won't wear out.

08. You can eat
supper at 4 PM.

09...
You can live without sexbut not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments
about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of

speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold
your stomach in no matter

who walks into the room.

13. You sing along
with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get
much worse.

15.
Your investment in health insurance 

 is finally beginning to pay off. 

16. Your joints are more accurate

meteorologists than the

national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your

friends  because they can't

remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally

down to  a manageable size.

19. You can't remember
who sent you this list. 


And you notice these

are all in big print  for

your convenience.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING:
Never, NEVER, NEVER, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill, and

a laxative on the same night!

other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/

another joke

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is: .................................





Always keep your condoms in your car.

other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/

An Irish Joke - The Ultimate Test

Murphy goes to the doctor for his wife's test results. 


"I'm here for Mrs  Murphy 's test results."


Receptionist : "Oh, I'm sorry Mr  Murphy , there's been a problem. We have two sets of test results for a Mrs  Murphy and we don't know which belongs to your wife..... I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows AIDs!" 


Murphy: "That's awful! What should I do?" 
Receptionist: "The doctor suggests you drop her off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't shag her."


other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/

Didn't like shopping there anyway!

The following is an email doing the rounds....

Yesterday I was at my local TESCO's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if  I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from TESCO's.

Ever wonder why the French are so unpopular?

JFK's Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.

DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. 

Rusk responded: "Does that include those who are buried here?" 

You could have heard a pin drop

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.  

During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.  

What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:

'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply: -

Emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day,

They can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.  

We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop 

A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. 

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. 

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English. He then asked,

'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,

'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's, Kiwi's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop 


AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his hand luggage.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The Englishman said,
'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."  
"Impossible. You English always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained:
''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

 
You could have heard a pin drop

Some un-pc phrases

I found these phrases whilst surfing the Internet. They are not exactly politically correct, but I found them funny!

• A bird in hand makes it hard to blow nose.
• Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
• Elevator smell different to midget.
• Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
• He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
• He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing
• It takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
• Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
• Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!
• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
• Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
• Man who lives in glass house should masturbate in basement.
• Man who put head on railway track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
• Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete's tongue!
• Man who tells one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!
• Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
• Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
• Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk
• Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
• Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
• War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
• When called an idiot, it is sometimes better to be quiet, than open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.
• Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
• Confucius say too damn much.

other blogs by Robert Bovington: 

"Photographs of Spain"	http://bovingtonphotosofspain.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Impressions"	http://bobbovington.blogspot.com/
"postcards from Spain"	http://bovington-posts.blogspot.com/
"you couldn't make it up!"	http://bovingtonycmitup.blogspot.com/
"a grumpy old man in Spain"	http://grumpybobbov.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Expressions"	http://spanishsayingsbovington.blogspot.com/
"Spanish Art"	http://bovingtonspanishart.blogspot.com/
"Books About Spain"	http://bovingtonbooks.blogspot.com/