Friday, March 30, 2012

Perks of old age

I received this as an email but I thought it would make an excellent blog post!

Perks of reaching 50
or being over 60
 heading towards 70 or beyond! 

 Kidnappers are not very
interested in you.

 In a hostage situation,
you are likely to be released first.

 No one expects you to run  -- anywhere.

 People call at 9 PM (or 9  A M) and ask,
 'Did I wake you?

 People no longer view you
as a hypochondriac.

 There is nothing left
to learn the hard way.

 Things you buy now
won't wear out.

 You can eat
supper at 4 PM.


You can live without sex
but not your glasses.

 You get into heated arguments
about pension plans.

 You no longer think of
speed limits as a challenge.

 You quit trying to hold
your stomach in no matter
who walks into the room.

 You sing along
with elevator music.

 Your eyes won't get
much worse.

Your investment in health insurance 
 is finally beginning to pay off. 

 Your joints are more accurate
meteorologists than the
national weather service.

 Your secrets are safe with your
friends  because they can't
remember them either.

 Your supply of brain cells is finally
down to  a manageable size.

 You can't remember
who sent you this list. 

And you notice these
are all in big print  for
your convenience.
, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill, and
a laxative on the same night!

other blogs by Robert Bovington:
"Photographs of Spain"
"Spanish Impressions"
"postcards from Spain"
"you couldn't make it up!"
"a grumpy old man in Spain"
"Spanish Expressions"
"Spanish Art"
"Books About Spain"

Monday, March 26, 2012

another joke

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is: .................................

Always keep your condoms in your car.

other blogs by Robert Bovington:
"Photographs of Spain"
"Spanish Impressions"
"postcards from Spain"
"you couldn't make it up!"
"a grumpy old man in Spain"
"Spanish Expressions"
"Spanish Art"
"Books About Spain"

An Irish Joke - The Ultimate Test

Murphy goes to the doctor for his wife's test results. 

"I'm here for Mrs  Murphy 's test results."

Receptionist : "Oh, I'm sorry Mr  Murphy , there's been a problem. We have two sets of test results for a Mrs  Murphy and we don't know which belongs to your wife..... I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows AIDs!" 

Murphy: "That's awful! What should I do?" 
Receptionist: "The doctor suggests you drop her off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't shag her."

other blogs by Robert Bovington:

"Photographs of Spain"
"Spanish Impressions"
"postcards from Spain"
"you couldn't make it up!"
"a grumpy old man in Spain"
"Spanish Expressions"
"Spanish Art"
"Books About Spain"

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Panoramio photos by Robert Bovington

For those of you who are interested, I have added commentaries to my photographs in Panoramio (example below)...

Robert Bovington's conversations

Robert Bovington said:

The Corral del Carbón is one of the few examples of public buildings dating from the Moorish period to have survived to the current day. It was erected at the beginning of the 14th century, under the rule of the Nasrid dynasty, and it was part of the original structure of the moorish medina. It was originally a corn exchange and as an inn for visiting traders and merchants. After The Reconquest, it was used by coal merchants and its name changed to the Corral de Carbón. Later, in the 16th century, it was used as an open-air comedy theatre. Today, it still serves as a place of entertainment - occasionally theatre and flamenco concerts are held in the courtyard. It also houses the Provincial Delegation of Culture of the Junta de Andalucía and the Orquesta Ciudad de Granada.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Didn't like shopping there anyway!

The following is an email doing the rounds....

Yesterday I was at my local TESCO's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if  I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from TESCO's.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

More blogs...

If you like my "Bits & Bobs" blog, you may like to view some of my other blogs:-

You may also like to view my WordPress blogs:-

"Spanish Impressions"
"postcards from Spain"
"Books About Spain"
"bits and bobs"
"Spanish Expressions"
"Photographs of Spain"
"Spanish Art"
"a grumpy old man inSpain"
"you couldn't make it up!"

Robert Bovington
March 2012